Today

Woa, today was definitely better than yesterday.

Had the advanced video course at 3pm just now. It was ok. but a bit of a bore. Sometimes, the instructor was talking softly...must strain one lah...Watched a few of quite interesting movies for example Manhattan and Russian Ark.

One thing that pulls my stress vein was that we had to do 3 short films...
And we had to do a 1 minute video due next Wed. Cool? Hm...tight schedule lah. Wish Azie is here.

Miss ya, babe.

Oh, and this Friday will be a really tiring day. Non stop from morninglah! Then still have the video course from 4:30 pm to 7pm. Then have the bbq thing for J1 summore. SIAN. Pay $5 even though we not going. School squeeze money one ah...

Tired....WAAAARRRRGH.

Bye. Wanna watch the Lions.

It turned out like...

Just when I thought I would insert an extra effort to make others around me smile...

It wasn't anyone's fault, actually. Not entirely.

I was tired, but I know my friend is even more washed out than me. Huh...what incedible lives we lead. I mean, I could be learning how to ride a horse at a nice countryside, rather than being shouted at (unreasonably, as i might duly add) early in the morning. Without as much as a poke or prod into the perfectly logical and valid reason that we might have given to her, she just demanded and demanded and demanded of us.

WHOOOOOSH.
(in case u're wondering, that was a huge breath of air)

Nice.

I am a person who has this habit (thx to mum)of sleeping around 9-10pm. So, yesterday night, I couldn't fathom the reason why I just couldn't sleep. My eyes, shut as tightly as they might, failed to compromise my brain to simply shut down, and stop the seemingly perennial jumble of thoughts in my head.

Coz I had a bad day.

Tomorrow. I. Am. Determined. To. Make. It. Better.

Adios, for now.

Oh, chotto matte!

I appeal to all you guys out there: Be A Hero. Touch Lives.


Donate your Blood to those in need.

Oh no...dinnertime.

-.- !

....


My PRECIOUS....

Lions

I know this may sound weird, coming from me...but yeah, I'm proud to say that Singapore won in the match against Malaysia yesterday night. And guess what? I watched the match...well...most of it. I switched off the telly when the match drags on to additional time. I was tired. Lol.

See, Singapore can win. We need to give our players more support. We need to show that we are behind them all the way. That way, they have the motivation to strive and become better. If it was me, I would feel discouraged at having lukewarm support, and thus my performance would not be at its optimum.

But, my goodness, what a HUGE crowd there was at the stadium last night. Truthfully, I would say that our team is not superb in its performance. They certainly need to improve on their accuracy and their fast thinking at critical moments should have been better. But at least they won. =)

PIKACHU!

Kawaii neh?
HAI!!

lol...

Anyways, it's been like 2 days since friday. Why? What Friday? Huh?

I'll tell you what exactly happened. It was PE time. Mr Hiap was on course so we get to play our own games, but as a class. So we decided to play Captain's Ball. I volunteered to be the goalperson, but after a few rounds, I was replaced by Azu. And then shit happens.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not fuming mad at what happened, but it was painful. There was little to be embarrased about-because the hall was partly slippery and not because of my own clumsiness (which I have plenty to spare!).

I fell. Yup. Again. Last year, I fell down and had pretty much of a fanfare at school and at home. At school, I was proud to show people my big wound and the red, swollen patches on both my knees when I tripped at the basketball court while playing, well, basketball. I remember with fondness, how long it took for that wound to completely heal (about 2 weeks, I think). The pain was another story. The pain was my own to endure. So no complains about pains here.

(It was damn painful.)

Anyways, the events preceding my fall was a bit hazy. I can't recall who passed the ball to me(was it Bernaaard or Hidayad?), which made me unconsciously run to the slippery area of the hall, and thus feel down...with the ball held above my head, and both my legs split parallel to my thighs. I must have looked like I'm attending some kind of Japanese tea ceremony, the way I was on the floor after I fell. Miraculously, though, the aftermath was not that bad. I waved off concerns from Azu and CONTINUED playing.

OMG.

Now, I practically can't even walk properly! I walk with a limp. And it's almost impossible to bend my left leg . Talk about a great day...I'm suffering every day since Friday. But who am I to complain?(sheesh, I just did, didn't I?)

See: there are many other people, especially in Cambodia, who lived near landmines that are still alive. And some even had their hands or legs blown away. Compared to them, I'm a thousand times fortunate. Yes. So this is how I console myself? By taking refuge behind other people's pain?

Oh gawd, I can't even make up my mind.

Whatever. Sheesh. I'm outta here.

2 Bad Women

There was this 2 Bad Women.

No. 1 was in a value for money shop. She was polite enough to say excuse me in a rude way. How ironic was that? No.1 was also apparently blind. She didn't 'realise' that there was no green among that red, black, blue and yellow. No. 1 was DAMN annoying. Like a fly that buzzes near your ear and making those buzz buzz noises that is so irritating you'd wish that you are better off in your grave listening to your ipod.

No.2 was at the lingerie store. She was so rude and so rude. I should stop at there. No. 2 certainly needs a course to learn communication skills with consumers. No. 2 was not worth your time.

These are th 2 Bad Women for Today.

LaLaLa

Great Day Today!

Even though whole body was aching like hell, it was a great day.

Why?

Coz i thought that we (07s04) had a great time together.

Lessons were fun in general. GP was ok, though he teacher expected more...

Bio...omg, don't even GO there. No comments.

Chem..haha, major difference from last year. We had Snape last year. This year, we got a Prof Sprout. Yeah, well. Actually, I don;t think Snape is a bad thing to call him lah. Hey, I'm a MAJOR supporter of the Harry Potter Snape. he is one anti-hero, man. Good thing Albus Brian Percival Wilbur Dumbledore was killed. He was getting old. Bwahahah...

Yeah, well...uh...Maths is just like last year...

Um...and PE too...

Uhh...OH! No PW! WeeHee!!!

HumHumHum...

*te te* (ouch ouch in Japanese)
My legs hurt!

The Riddle

What's the difference between life and death;
Is it a finishing dream or taking a breath.

Is it pushing your body to its highest limit;
Or rotting away wasting every minute.

One's life is precious and never forsaken;
One's life is their own and never to be taken.

So why do we say that life is too quick;
For a life is a lifetime each day only we pick.

And to accomplish life's last goal we need not try;
Cause the only final one is eventually to die.

So don't live in doubt cause no tears come to my eye;
For these are the differences of to live and to die.

Reflections

Yay! I'm baaack! Had a damn tiring day. PE, what else, du-uh.

Due to months of slacking, my legs had to pay the price in sweat. Take it like a man, gal!

Anyways.

A chat I had earlier today with a friend dug up old memories buried within. While she talked, flashes of images appeared in my mind. And the occasional beeping of emotion in my heart. (Girls are such emotional creatures. Sometimes I hate myself.)

There was this brief reenactment of my grandfather's death in my head. I was fortunate enough to have been ther during the last few moments of his life. He had that freakin disease called cancer. It was chronic as it had already spread to other organs. But we didn't tell him. He was a simple, loving man who did not have a high education. He thought Debbie(the nurse) who came to visit regularly was just because of a fall he had a few weeks ago.

Like my friend's grandad, his physical and mental condition deteriorates at a speed which left me speechless. However, i do not know wether he had alzheimer, but he started acting strange.

I would not go into details, but his condition was heart-wrenching. Since I'm the first ever grandchild he had, he doted on me lots (and now I'm plump, thx) and protected me from my parent's chidings. But at that time, he was robbed clean of any memory of us, it seems.

Yes, I saw his last moments. Saw his face. Saw the life draining away from him. We are just vessels. I know. It was strange how at that moment, seeing him, and hearing the adults in my family reciting some special verses (surah Yaasin) from the Quran, I felt a sense of quietness, almost peaceful. I was supposed to be crying and straring anguishedly like my cousins and my sister. But tears were not pouring down my cheeks. No, they were like thin strings, almost non-existant save for my red eyes. That night, as the adults took over to manage my grandad who was then lying motionless...I lay beside my cousin...and shut my eyes as tight as I could and blamed myself for feeling such shallow regrets at his dismissal.

Tears should be raining my face. I should not have eaten any dinner. I was supposed to feel traumatised...at seeing someone who had showered me with love, just dissolve into the realms of the spirits. But I ate the rice anyway.

I realise as I'm typing these, there is this ache on my chest. It's the kind of ache that makes you wanna cry. I guess at that moment when he breathed his last breath,something went 'snap' in me. And I saw that I was taking many people in my life for granted. Now I had to see someone special to me go away, with my very own eyes. Being there beside him. Doing nothing to ease his pain that comes packaged with death. Helplessly watching as his eyes watered and his grip slackens. It pains me.

And in fact, I'm crying right now, when I really shouldn't be, coz in a few
minutes, I'm supposed to be at the dinner table.

I just feel that I should let go of these emotions once in a while. I'd feel too compressed.

A week later, it was Hari Raya. On eve of that day, I was lying on me bed. And I was thinking of how I used to kiss his old hands and ask for forgiveness, an act which I had taken for granted all these years during Hari Raya....

.........
....guess we should live in the 'now'...............
.....

*laughs* Just this morning, as I was walkin to school, listening to my zen, the song Far Away by Nickelback was on. As I was listening to the lyrics, I lifted my head, and saw the birds on the trees. Then I saw a father sending his daughter to school. And I felt my body growimg warm and warmer, and I smiled.

=)

Wherefore art thou?

Yes, I am drained. My mouth curves into a smile, but it takes effort for most of the time. I am unable to feel the enthusiasm that I had once possessed at the beginning of J1 last year. It is no longer there. The supply is depleted. You see, it is too much if giving but few on the receiving end.

Can it be replaced?

Around friends, I find it hard to interact. I can't. I know. But I don't, really. These sentences I make are not attempts at humour. They are real. Please don't take things at face value, but delve deeper into realms which perhaps you are hesitant about.

Last year, when I laughed, it is laughter. This year, occasionally, I hear someone else's voice floating out from that deep, black cave.

I had lost it. My motivation. My enthusiasm. My sincerity. I'm quite Broke.

Now, I'm nothing but a heartless being, like a cold, hard canvas which was painted over by hues and stars and kittens.

I look forward to nothing because I know I am being restrained. My wings are clipped right from birth. I can't really fly right now.

Everyday is just plain bleak. I know my friends, yet again, I may not. I tell you, things seldom go perfect for me. And if by some great miracle it does, it doesn't last long. It will die out soon. It's like the calm and cool weather before the storm.

The sun doesn't help. Silence is soothing. And the stars bring tears to my eyes.

Although I speak of all these, I still have that capacity to appreciate. Guess that's one fragment of me that's not broken. I see a friend smile, and something stirs in my memory, and I smile back. Give her a wave. I hear a sweet song, I will takeoff to that place in my mind.

Please read this but don't go all pitying or apprehensive towards me. This is a blog. And I have my rights.

Heck-tic Day

I can hear my heart pumping loudly. It's been a tiring day. And funny. And weird. Quite unlike all the other days I had this year. (except on the last orientation day).

Today started off well. We had Geog. Then we had Chem. Me and Zuzu weren't even concentrating much, we were having conversations on paper. Haha..reminds me of my Sec 1 days...
(and I was stuffing myself with garlic bread during Chem. can't help. Was famished. Though just had breakfast.)

Then we had PE. Mr Hiap!!! Woohoohoo~
Zuzu was really sick, but I was recovering. So to escape the fiery blaze of the sun, I told him I was on medication...which was partly true.

AHAH! Here comes the funny-outrageous-idiotic-senseless-humiliating THING that happened to us.

It was supposed to be GP. We thought it to be at LT4. We went up there and strolled in. It was a male teacher, whom barely bat an eyelid as we came in, innocently as I might add. The LT was packed with the freshmen. As I climbed the side steps, my eyes caught a glance of the papers on their small desks.

I saw diagrams and vectors. And my mind went 'bloop'...like someone had switched off the lights. I was numb with embarassment. Managed to croak to Zuzu that we were in the wrong place. We were halfway up. So I just followed Zuzu who aimed straight for the back door of LT4.

We must've looked like a pair of clueless idiots; who entered shamelessly into the LT in the middle of their lecture, and then head straight for the back exit. This is definitely a nominee for the most embarassing thing that has ever happened to me in my mundane life.

Then we went to Lot 1 with my sis and a few of her friends. One of them wanted to meet her bf, so, ok, fine, me and MY friend went to the library. And OMG. I had no idea this would happen. It turns out her bf is a bonafide leech. And he has to come armed with his friends. Honestly, does he think they can spice up their relationship; or is he just plain insecure? My goodness, and such a big guy too. Poor gal, can't even breathe if it was me.

He could be charged for attempted murder. For murdering one's personal space that is.

Huh..and I acted like an idiot too. Should be more firm and straight. Regrets, man. I'm sadistic. I love to see him try and get to her, with me around. Actually, now that I think about it, his friends are more annoying than him. Now i appreciate the word pest. If only I could get my hands on a can of 'Bygones', they'd be rotting in their graves by now. Really exhibited disgusting behaviour, they all. I wouldn't want me to be associated with them in any kind of way...well, maybe with the exception of being labelled as their murderer.


So now I'm at home downloading songs. And now I'm spoofed.

Eh, and thanks alot Zuzu for enduring the little adventure just now. I was tired too, but I know you're sick. See everyone: I am SUCH a good friend. Ehehheh...better not turn into sk. Or maybe I should, just to get that intelligence. Hehheh.

Brr..so cold.
Time to go.
.................
...
........
..

Unknown

Finally, after nearly a year of pent up frustration, I got this heavy load off my chest. Now, I can breathe more easily it seems. No, these are not all. There are more, obviously. One cannot thrive and grow on such small amounts of issues that require tending to. Of course we must address them. But to who? Hm, who indeed?

Upon who can I place these heaps of my weight? The wrong person might just deteriorate the state further, and add to the current weight. It's a risk, and you guess based on your instincts and some say guts. Yeah, I have my special friend that will readily give an ear and a shoulder for me. But she's not here with me. One who does not experience it would be less likely to provide comfort; instead, you waste precious time by explaining things to her, and by the time you're done, she lost interest. She has her own life too, and it's not spent in a JC. So she wouldn't understand. She has her own set of problems. Some of the latter are even nastier than mine it seems.

Henceforth, I will do the thing I had mentioned in class just a few minutes ago. Nobody can find it and it will be unknown to all except me. My own getaway.

^ Mutant ^

I would love to be a mutant. Though I don't see why society should reject them. A little apprehension would be understandable, but to be an outcast without giving them a chance? Bullshit man.

Know them before you judge them.

Personally, I think being a mutant is cool. You get free superpowers unlike in cases where you get them 'accidentally' like in the case of Spiderman-you get bitten by a spider...eew. Then there's the 'saving the world' issue. Mutants don't get labelled as a Superhero. But Superman does. And boy, does he gets stressed out! Hiding his identity and not able to revel in his powers as freely as mutants can. Mutants don't hide their identities, for the basic fact that they ARE what they are born to be. Different.

Why am i talking about mutants? God knows...=)

I simply hate animal abusers with all the breath I take and the cells in my body. Yesterday on the 9 o'clock news on Ch 5, there was this news on 2 brothers charged with animal abuse by overfeeding their labrador dog. The breed was supposed to be thin and lean, but my goodness, I was totally shocked by the size and condition of that poor dog. It was gross. One eye has a layer of fat, causing it to be blind.It can barely walk, and its tail is not even reconizable. It was hideous. May the brothers rot in hell; coz God loves that innocent dog more than those 2 pathetic humans.

Then this morning, in the New Paper, a man had placed a goldfish in the blender and invited his friends over to see him blend that fish. I think cruel is too mild a word to describe his ghastly actions. I think no word can describe that kind of people. Psychotic? God knows.

God, I hate them. I pray everyday so as not to let me morph into one of them.

Sick

Yeah!
I'm sick!


No usb cables yet!
Soon yea...

getting drowsier by the second...

before I doze off, I would love very much to share a nice poem with you guys..

_________________________
FEAST

I drank at every vine.
The last was like teh first.
I came upon no wine
So wonderful as thirst.

I gnawed at every root.
I ate of every plant.
I came upon no fruit
So wonderful as want

Feed the grape and bean
To the vintner and monger;
I will lie down and lean
With my thirst and my hunger.
_____________________

Just Put in A Title Yourself...

I'm so damn sick

Ohhh maaaan....

Had this freakin' sorethroat and I think I'm going to have fever soon. Choy ah.
Anyways, went to library with Sham and laughed our butts out at stooopid jokes. Lemme give an excerpt from this book:

He's so ugly, he hurts my feelings.
How to keep sex fresh? Put it in Tupperware.

Yah, and bla bla bla...


OMG. I so badly need a USB cable for my handphone but till now I don't have it! Sighs, have to keep searching. Semangat kental, syikin!!!

Oh, finale rox! Definitely better than last year. But the dance were not repeated as much as last year...But yesterday was fun...especially during the water games. Damn fun lah! And my og friends rawks lah. Really got wet sia. Not like last year. Say water games but at the end of the day, I only got wet from my own smelly sweat.

Philby RAWKS>.<
(except for some of the cheers)

Really wish can change frm Byron to Philby. I don't want to associate myself with some protege. I want a super cool Russian spy. Sobs.

Ohmygosh, how pathetic is my life, agonizing over those things up there ^....


Hey, now that I realize something....I can hear my inner voice! seriously. I just realized that I've been talking to these voices in my head and having 'conversations' with them. How long has this started? Waliao.

I borrowed this nice book called 101 poems to get you through the day (and night).

Excerpt:

You wake up in the morning and lo! Your purse is magically filled with 24 hours of the magic tissue of the universe of your life. No one can take it from you. No one receives either more or less than you receive. Waste your infinitely precious comodity as much as you will, and the supply will never be witheld from you.Moreove, you cannot draw on the future. Impossible to get into debt. You can only waste the passing moment. You cannot waste tomorrow; it is kept for you.

Fourth Day of orientation

OK!

I thought today was going to be just like the other orientation days...but I WAS WRONG!

=.= lol

Anyways, had this 2 external guys coming in to give us some motivational thingy...and guess what? We did PAINTING! Woohoo!!!!

actually we must paint this lifelike piece lah, with 'real' people and all that...thought I coudln't paint that well, judging from the lousy pieces at home...but I was a little cheered up by the positive comments they give. I decided I want to do lots more of this cool painting stuff.

Then I had a super time with my og. They are really x100 cool people man! So friendly! =)

Ok, ok, mum calling for dinner. Haiyoh....next time then.

p.s. just now during dance and song was best man! got to c loads of him. Hehh...

The third day (friday)

Well life does suck after all...and I had to learn it the hard way today.

Ok, quite a number of overwhelming things happened today. This is gonna be quite a little long but I didn't force you to read it do I? I'll start from the morning.


Ok, everything was fine and I didn't have any bird droppings on my bag. when it was time for the J1 seniors to assemble @ LT1. I panicked coz azu was nowhere in sight. What the hell, so I just sat down with Victoria, farah and this other girl whom I seem to have difficulty remebering her name. It was feedback session with the principal. And it made me realise that i am missing out on so many important things, like sleeping or even reading Bio notes.


We were dismissed and i caught up with ying Hua and chatted with her to pass by the time. i had to be in my og in about half an hour. Then azu called me and told me she had choir stuff to do, and it turns out to be that she had to man the choir booth. At least she camelah.


My og29 was ok...positivelah, definitely have a better attitude than my og last year. Turns out that they have a different theme this year: 007.

We are now clans, not houses. Ogls are now agents and stuff like that. Hey, still better than last year. Then I was a yellow Byron lady who created the first computer program. Now I am a green, bloody USSR spy Philby who infiltrated the MI6 and booted out many ang moh spies from life.


As fun and positive my og is this year, I cannot shake away this mystery feeling. I felt like breaking down in tears and then letting loose a scream that would make banshees run for their money, and then for the finale, a bloodcurdling-no better yet, a crazy laugh. laugh, laugh, then cry. Then scream then laugh then cry and cry some more.


i excused myself for the field games. i don't want to get wet and dirty. I then settled myself beneath the cosy shade of the grandstand adn closed my eyes for a few minutes. Then...when I opened my eyes, my og was gone from the field. no matter. I know Zoey understands me. so much that she didn't disturb me. Like her lots, honestly.


So I trudged my way to my cca booth and helped them to set it up. Hung around there for an hour and more...watching as the1st shift of the frehmen peered at the many booths. i was feeling so low by then. I warned my friends that I may be showing mood swings. felt thirsty, but had lost my H2O bottle a while ago. Didn't dare to ask for money from anyone, even Azie. I don't know why. Even whne she and Hui Min offered to buy me drinks, I rejected their generous offers. Why? That question is still unanswered.


I realised that media club booth is adjacent to the sc booth. And they were dancing the mass dance and fun dance. Saw that guy. Ignoring it. Whatever. feeling shitty (sorry for my lang) coz felt so unable to gel. And I was sorely missing my class. I know. Let go and forge onwards. And what? With this scar still intact?Bleaargh.


All the Philbys went to LT2 for cheers and discussed the item for the finale. I think that was the part when I truly enjoyed myself among the other things which happened today. Coz there are alot of funny people in Philby, and the bulk of it comes from my og boys especially the joker farid. And ikhsan that guy who is Sk's friend was leading this whole thing as he is also in Philby. You all know that guy. Lame and has erm...funny antics. These are confirmed by my new friends, siti and lavania and teng2. But Philby's cheers are so BIMBOTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!! Was expecting something like Darwin house from last year. I mean, come on, Philby was a mean killing machine ok!Bleaaargh. Apparently, it was the girls who sculptured those cheers that slants to the bimbotic field.


I lost appetite. From laughing and smiling, I brought forth my mood swing and called upon the crossness within. And in the blink of an eye, I felt irritated and bored. And they were dragging...simply DRAGGING and taking their own SWEET time to release us. Bombing and shelling each other; and filling the air with cheers that our ears don't desperately need to hear for like every 10 seconds.


I don't want orientation!!!! It's a damn repeat of last year (although I said the togetherness was there) but minus hweehoon and gaya, Rev and Superman and and and all the other guys who made my orientation last year sweet although it has poor orientation spirit on the whole. Imagine I have to go through another round of orintation later in March....


Those guys who are not repeat students, not part of the J1 Seniors or the Dream Team or whatever the hell they call it nowadays....I doubt you can fully feel with us the pain and loss in our hearts. make new friends. but we can't forget the old dear ones who have moved on and left us behind. i know it's not your fault, but ours apparently. that doesn't mean we deserve to be punished this way in which it hhurts so much...for me. it's just that I don't show it. Or if I do, I call them mood swings.


My, what a long entry.


Just before I start on this post, I read on one of my cckss friend's blog. It cheered me up a little. Partly because of .... ok, I think I shall not disclose it here. But i flet considerably in a better mood. It's not something mean by the way huh.....


What random things to say...but I have been randomer...

Life is random, so..

The Second Day (Thursday)

Had no time to blog yesterday.

Today was the usual routine as yesterday with the exception of rock climbing and squad time with my og (29). They are a bunch of funny people. The boys keep sabotaging each other. And there are 2 people from an St Marg and a boys school, so they are quite shy. And guess what? I had to do a FORFEIT! It was silly, but I was a sport...chey..


I quite disagree that the school provides us with a different program. I think we should take this orientation time to bond with the freshmen. true what....

Somehow someimes I feel quite alone ah....even though got Azu but no more familiar face what..no darling, no Mich and of courselah...no Superman. sighs...

Anyways, I wanted to buy a USB cable o that can upload my hp pictures mah...haven't buy yet. I want to show the banner Media made...nice you know! =P

I pray and pray and pray to get nice nice teachers or else I'm headed for doomsday. I can't learn with too fierce teachers. Scary. I prefer the approachable, nice, fair ones. Got really bitter experiences with this female teacher in Pri 5, until now I feel the bitterness, although it may be ebbing...but still..

Wonder what my new class will be like? I doubt it will be as united as s05. See how..Hope got familiar face like Hafiz. Then I will be more secure. Sheesh...am I THAT insecure?

I am going to face this year like a real man! Maybe uploading photos tomorrow? Hm...

Oh ya superman, next time get a refund for the murtabak!

OMG, I feel random alot nowadays.

Thanks for making me laugh superman, you're a real hero. Lol.

A new cafe just sprung up in the school concourse. Not bad ah...but not that good either. Serving time for the drinks are too slow. My backbone was aching just standing there to receive my mocha.

Haizz, my cousin got into Zhenghua Sec. Wanted badly for her to come to CCK, but she lives in Fajar. Hopefully my sis will go to PJC, then my cousin can also come PJ, then my sis will be J2 and moi cosin will be J1. Co0o0l....

What do I want to be when I grow up??

Warning- I may not be updating this blog for certain (long) periods due to looming examinations but rest be assured that I am not extinct.Anybody wants some company to be moody, insane, or any other stupid behaviors may come and find me.

Eh, I pray for my s05 friends for their upcoming a levels. Gd luck, Muacks, I have faith in U guys! p.s. lend me our J2 notes @ the end of the year, Ok? =)

What are my resolutions? Frankly, I don't believe in making them now, because I simply don't know what may come my way. I may have to break the resolutions or whatever. It's no good do mke resolutions then break them. And it is neither good to force yourself against your will to do something that you find irksome as it will probably affect you in many aspects of your life. Just know what you want and keep reminding yourself gently those things and strive. After all, priorities may change with time.

And human beings are not perfect. Not that I'm using the latter as a stupid excuse or anything.

Life doesn't suck, it is just that it's so...complicated at times.Must have strong faith.

Life doesn't suck just because my friends have moved on and I'm still here. There has to be a reason why God kept me behind as he has other plans for me. If not, I could have been (nearly) expelled.

I can't go out with friends most (majority) of the time. I have come to terms with that. Imagine if I had accepted offers to hang out and stuffs last year, my grades would have been much much worse. I could have been expelled.

Life doesn't suck just because I'm ugly. Imagine if I am so damn pretty until every guy chased after me, surely I would not be able to channel my attention into studying. I could have been expelled.

Last day of Holidays

.....Yesterday was fun. Mom and dad went fishing and hunting for mussels while me and my sis chilled out watching holiday specials on tv and concocting devious plans to kill our pe teachers.

So...in a few days I will be in a different class altogether. My fault, can't blame anyone else. I will study harder next year. I don't freakin' care. I have let my parents down, my friends (esp Azie) down by not goin' up with them. So Azie will have to be without me. It will be weird at first. And quite painful.

The other day I complained of pain in my head, and I was acting damn weird the whole day. Over dinner, suddenly Mom popped up this question "maybe you have phobia going back to school?" she asked me gently.

Not really, i don't think so. I mean, I can't imagine myself having that kind of phobia. It's just hard for me to swallow. Oh gawd...after months then the impact hit me??? Ok, I will be cool and take it all in my stride.

Help me go through, god. I believe you do this to me because you have other plans for me.