Wherefore art thou?

Yes, I am drained. My mouth curves into a smile, but it takes effort for most of the time. I am unable to feel the enthusiasm that I had once possessed at the beginning of J1 last year. It is no longer there. The supply is depleted. You see, it is too much if giving but few on the receiving end.

Can it be replaced?

Around friends, I find it hard to interact. I can't. I know. But I don't, really. These sentences I make are not attempts at humour. They are real. Please don't take things at face value, but delve deeper into realms which perhaps you are hesitant about.

Last year, when I laughed, it is laughter. This year, occasionally, I hear someone else's voice floating out from that deep, black cave.

I had lost it. My motivation. My enthusiasm. My sincerity. I'm quite Broke.

Now, I'm nothing but a heartless being, like a cold, hard canvas which was painted over by hues and stars and kittens.

I look forward to nothing because I know I am being restrained. My wings are clipped right from birth. I can't really fly right now.

Everyday is just plain bleak. I know my friends, yet again, I may not. I tell you, things seldom go perfect for me. And if by some great miracle it does, it doesn't last long. It will die out soon. It's like the calm and cool weather before the storm.

The sun doesn't help. Silence is soothing. And the stars bring tears to my eyes.

Although I speak of all these, I still have that capacity to appreciate. Guess that's one fragment of me that's not broken. I see a friend smile, and something stirs in my memory, and I smile back. Give her a wave. I hear a sweet song, I will takeoff to that place in my mind.

Please read this but don't go all pitying or apprehensive towards me. This is a blog. And I have my rights.