Hols!

Hm..the tv-link link doesn't seem to work...=(...Anyways, cleared away the pile of stuffs in my drawer. Looks so so SO much better now ^^. Still haven't file in the tutorials yet though..


Quite boring leh, at home, surfing the net or watching tv or playing psp. How can i go out? My mom confirm don't want to let me go out like always. Fine, i'll be mature then and take this restriction in my stride. Not waorth it to argue with my mom over this kind of stuffs..

On the brighter side, i still can go library and take this chance to devour them books..hehhehheh..And there's gonna be cca outing for the photo course too, so i guess it's something. And then there's Metro!! Hehehe..it's gonna be fun fun fun! Hopefully nothing goes wrong though.





If only there is that coincidence! Hehe.


That day, when i was in the taxi back home from attending a friend of my dad's open house, i saw a beautiful orange heart framed by fluffy gray, bluish clouds. There was a slight drizzle. It was beautiful.


I didn't have my handphone with me. Oh well. It's there, captured in my heart, that beautiful moment. =)


Went to the open house at compassvale. Watched kug-fu hustle there. Wah, funny show! Then, my sis told me she saw this Kenichi lookalike and sort of melted..partially. That Kenichi lookalike we met at the open house knows how to speak malay and even ate WITH HIS HANDS like a normal malay guy. WAHSEY! My sis kept smiling at me and i have to roll my eyes at her. Hm..not bad ah.


here is how kenichi looks like:

__________________________________________________

By the way, the last day of school was quite nostalgic. I remember my 2006 last day of school. Hm.

Part of the back row gang...Hehe

Hidaya looking at the photo of the back row gang. Why didn't u come chemgeek? Haha...

Hidaya making those scary eyes...





The 2nd last day, i had to bring back some of my stuffs from mc room...and we played dress up. Haha!











Oh yah! At the open house, the father of that Kenichi lookalike showed me and my sis a photo taken with his hp. It was my DAD in a pirate costume with the pirate hat and gun and sword and MAKEUP! I DIDN"T BRING MY HP!!! Wasted............>=(

But damn, that picture was hilarious, and i didn't even recognise my own dad! =D





Wanted to go hidaya's house and watch some movies, but then i felt sort of tired and no mood, so decided to go home, when lina asked me to accompany her before her cca starts. So we all went to the Sanctuary and played Jenga Uno. All wanted to sabo David..haha! Even desmond's friend (dunno name). Then we watched Heroes, but then it was very crowded so i sat by the door. Wah, very scary leh, anytime it can open and BAM! there goes my head. But thank god, it didn't. Then lina wanted to play naruto, but then in the end, it was zhong re (correct spelling?) who hogged the game. Haha..sorry lina...<3>






I thought des had already taken the shot! Me smiling weirdly there...

I LOVE s04!

1) The last day of school. Was LONELY. Not there.







=D

The Click Five!

Whee! Hahah! Woa...today heard david play on his guitar many acoustic versions of songs. He did 'Only One', 'Here without U' and many others. Wah, pro, man! Even tried 'I don't wanna miss a thing' by Aerosmith! Lol!

My sis got fever...=(

Nothing much to say...sighs.
bb

Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Tears stream down your face
when you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

_____________________________________________________

Promos was a huge letdown. But be strong and believe. We can make it through all these. Tests in life. Doesn't God tests those He love? It's alright, shed a few tears, and move on. Think I can make it to next year? Hopefully. Sometimes i wonder if i'm stupid...or really dense. But then, i can't afford to be so selfish. All of those whom i really care about, my friends, i don't think i want them to go through what i had to go through last yr.

Oh, one thing: I could've KICKED myself. I SHOULDN'T have EVER TRIED or even ENTERTAINED the idea of trying to match him. It's just plain freaking absatively RIDICULOUS. I don't think I can ever face him again or even talk to him. Think i could DIE if he ever asked me about my grades and how they shittily PALE in comparison to his. Then he'll think i'm freaking stupid and there goes my heartbreak.

Oh God.

Smiles. Haha...forget everything i said. Just a moment of craziness i needed to unload there.

Well, i have faith in myself and my friends. =D

School of Scoundrel

rocks! HAHAH! There was this last part that i really nearly shed a tear. It was so sad, but i didn't know i could get that emotional over a movie. Huh. But this story is so touching. Whew. Pathma's moral of the story : 'Date a loser.'
HAHA!
Not gonna watch Wild Hogs. Erh.

Been drugged at the library today. Hehehehehehe.

Metro this year is gonna be lonely.

Tomorrow is The Day. God bless us all.
Hahah.
Ok, shouldn't set high standards for me. As long as i promote.

Joined sva this yr.

Hehehehehe =)

Finally!

Finally can take pictures with my fav cousin! Yay! >.<
They went back to visit their kampong, so my first day of raya was SO lonely. Not very close with paternal side. My maternal side is closer, but there isn't really any proper family there. I mean, there are my mom's siblings (5 including her), which makes them my aunts and uncles. but then minus off 1.5 from that, and we get 3.5. One of tham 3.5 is in california right now, so that makes it 2.5, including my mom. So this year, there was minimal gathering at my house. There wasn't even a family pic like other years. Then there is my granma, without my dear granpa. What, it's been like 3 or 4 years now..But then, it stops at my granma. Sort of. I only know that my great-great granma has passed away. I know that my granma has 3 other siblings, but where i do not know. Oh, she has her adopted family though. All thanks to my great great granpa, wherever u are (in India perhaps, eating prata).

All i wonder is how it would be, how I would turn out to be, if my granma was not given away. Probably i wouldn't have my name. Probably i would have some chinese name, with Tan as a surname. Probably my mom wouldn't even exist coz my granma wouldn't have married my granpa (i miss him so so much i am guilty and i am sorry). Then i too probably couldn't have existed. I wouldn't have known my dad. I would be someone else in this world.

But then i am me now, and i am here. All i can do is wish and pray that i may know my origins and ask, if only, to glimpse at my blood relatives whom have intrigued me. I wanna know my great great granma. She was a great woman. To toil alone without her husband (that man has gone sailing i think. He was a sailor) with 3 other small kids, and a baby(my granma) to take care of. It wasn't her who decided to give away my granma. It was her husband. Yeah, give the baby away, stir up an argument, then pack and leave for his homeland, India. What is my great great granma to do? Buy a ticket back to China? He had forsaken her on this small island ALONE. And loneliness is gray and cold.

Oh SHIT. I shouldn't even GO there..back to hari raya then.



Yep...it's the 2nd week of celebration. Hopefully by next week, we can finish up going to all of the necessary houses. It's quite troublesome u know, having to call up and almost always, they are never home. So it's pushed to tomorrow.


Anyways, there is this nagging feeling in my mind. Read hidaya's latest entry and found out that part about 200 students get kicked out and failed and stuff. If one of them unfortunate souls is me, all i can say is goodbye. I will abandon all. Everything. Every single thread of hope for anything in my life.


Why does every single post have to have some negativity in them? damn it.


I know i'm a positive person. It's just difficult sometimes. Tumbling through life. I'm sorry for being so negative. But when u're cruising in shades of gray, it's difficult to peel those shades to find colours underneath. It takes courage and energy. It's exhausting.


Oh, i just borrowed a book from Ellen Hopkins It's called Impulse. The last book i read by her was burned, and god, that was SUCH a SAD book. I nearly cried, i really did. reading through 3/4 of it right now. It's about depression and a place called Aspen Springs, and 3 friends :Connor, Tony and Vanessa, and hope and friendship and the truths of life and abandonment. I find little bits of me in each of those characters.

They're really interesting and Ellen Hopkins is such a genius.

Just U

It was fun to run naruto-style. Hehehe...thx hidaya! Gp lesson we played Murderer. I got to be Police for the first round. Then suddenly, there came a string of Murderers for me. I thnk i was the Murderer for 4 times inclusive of the game with Derek. Woa..this means i'm evil-inclined or something? but the game was Very Funny. Iz decided to be funny and got a fake round of squeezing hands for 18 times. And i think i spoilt it for Murderer Lina when she squeezed my hand and i was happily on my blur-sotong mode, so i asked how many she had squeezed. She was subsequently caught by Police Yu Xuan. Watched some docu about China during geo. Quite interesting but it gets boring soon. Plus i had the Headache. And the Mood.


The headache may be caused by the Mood. The Mood..well..it comes and it goes, really. I think i know what triggered it today, but can't be that right? yep. Ok.


What kept me going today was really them-my friends. Hahah..yap..


talked-i mean Really talked with my sis about this feeling. She is GOOD. yep, depression may afflict everyone at some point of their lives. Sigjh, i don't think i should be writing this. I can't blog about this. Can't. Coz it would be a looong post.
So ciao.


In the end, we didn't go out, but someone is coming over tonight. Sigh.
Buhbye...goodnight.

Looooong Day

First:

Came late for school (Wooh! I got a record at last after all the years of clean records!) thanx to Iz. Very funny le..when we were nearing the school, iz got freaked out when she saw ppl running to the sch. She wanted to run too, but then it will do us no good, we will still be late. Ran a bit though. Iz took out her council badge..hehe.

Second:

Went to the canteen after flag raising. Some teacher asked me to go gp lesson. Dunno where the freak that is..but he was standing there, so i smsed a few friends. Then he went away, thank god. Thank god too that kk came..so i did some of his bio prelim paper mcq from acjc. Some of the questions i've seen before. Woo not bad. Went to the library, and azie suddenly popped in. Hahha..talked to her..no, not actually talk lah, more like we laughed after almost everything we said. Made me realise how much i miss talking to her. One thing though: she took so many pics and videos of her hari raya! And i only took one! This yr's hari raya is quite boring for me..
AND azu, nevermind, it's ok and you're forgiven! >.< Hehehe..

Third:
Met pathma sometime after 1, and asked her about the gp thingy. Said she went, and thought i was absent today coz i didn't turn up for flag raising. Haha..and i thought she was gonna pon today! And someone said that the gp thingy is not for me, so i vaguely accept it. Then pathma (thank u!) said otherwise. Wah, confusing man. >.<
Next time i should just go.

________________________________________

Gonna have cca phototaking later.

All in all, a good (=DDDD) but boring day..haha.

asyikin loves mai!!

I am number 5 according to hidaya's bk.

The new timetable is really =(.
I have a lot of free periods. Too much. Bored.
Wooh, tomorrow go hidaya's house! But i'll be the only retainee in my class who's comning ah, the rest ponning. Nooooo.
Oh yah! At least tomorrow morning got azu! Yes!! >.<
Wah, called her this morning and talked and talked. Too bad it's on the phone, so have to stop before the bill might terrify my dad. We'll talk again tmr yah! And thanks alot! For that advice! Hahaha...feel more secure. I will gambatte to be myself when in the prescence of __.
Oh, talking about jap, jiemin suddenly became quite crazy. Then i also caught the virus and we started conversing and cursing in jap.
Omae wa jigoku de..iku! Ima wa! HAHAHA!
Hilarious ne!
Lucky mdm lim never scold us for making noise or what. Broken jap.
=D
Got a scary incident today concerning __. I want to forget about __, demo muri da yo...
Nande konnani doki doki shite shimau darou?
Owari ni suru.
Doushiyo?
Sore ni akumu desu...
To shy to write in english.
Kuso.

Oh, s04 is the overall in charge for metro photo taking @ paragon. Wah, gonna be damn tiring..but it's quite exciting. I remember last yr i did with xb, pam and kk. Hahaha =) Quite shiok ah. But i took the evening shift, so when i got back, it's like 10 plus, so was really tired. Take photos! Yea! Oh, but then we dun get to do in pairs, which means we'll be the only one in s04 taking care of 3 other ppl from other classes. Wah. >.<
Thanx to mrs chan >.< ! Hahahah=D
Quite scary when mr lim said that if anything goes wrong, we'll be responsible. Oh noo...pray nothing goes wrong.

Decided not to join sva ths yr. No motivation...no azie. Hahah=D
But really have no mood to do it.
>.<

Neil Gaiman rocks!

I dun wanna jalan raya anymore...

Hm..wonder when is s0's learning journey? So far, asked e-ling, s03 went to pulau tekong, then s02 went to some museum. Hopefully mrs chan chose a nice place for us. >.<

Ciao.

Today, she feels REALLY confused.

Today, it seems that her world may collapse around her.

But she would stand and persevere. Yes.

Today, something is bothering her.

But she couldn't really pinpoint why.

Today, she wonders why it is affecting her so much; when worse things have happened to her.

Today, she also wants to thank her friends for listening out to her.

But she apologises to her friend whom she may have offended.

Today, she felt both =) and =(.

And she has to go and shower.

_______________________________________________________

Woohoo! Neil Gaiman rocks!

Raining today. Hahaha.

Woa, tomorrow got cca phototaking..hm.

Ooh, just now got student survey. And then...i forgot my freakin password! LOL. tried out different combinations...after the whole class ciao already, then i remembered. LOL! Went to the library after that. Woah. Then went to bp and met lina still at the bustop. Woah.

Hahahah.

>.<

_________________________________________________________

Aaaah.

WHY?

WHY?

............I have to relax.

OMGosh.

By the way, next monday is the release of results. This morning we went through bio paper. Paper 1 was good..i was happy. But i can kiss goodbye to paper 2. Sure die one. Hopefully overall i can make it.

This is really discouraging.

" So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered

And I can’t explain what happened

And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done

No I can’t

How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes

I’ve got no where to run

The night goes on

As I’m fading away

I’m sick of this life

I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me "

****************************************

つかまる (HOLD ON)

by Jonas brothers

ときに愛

そしてあなたの心が壊れる

愛をあきらめていません

信仰は、再起動

もうちょっと待って、ちょっと待って、ちょっと待って、ちょっと待って

Hari Raya

Selamat Hari Raya!

It's so weird, i got home and i felt free and happy. Like all my problems and thoughts have all evaporated. Haha...=D

Hey, not because of hari raya ok...

Dunno because of what. Also NOT because of what some of u may be thinking ah...=)

I think some good breeze must've found me on my way home...hehe.

=D

Gosh, the grad assembly could have been more emotional. So i did what i always do when there is nothing better to do. Hehehe.

Why is there no concert for Hari Raya in pj?

Thank U Mich for that sweet note!

Hope that ankle of yours gets better asap yah, superman! ;)

Pastamania!

Is it halal? hahah..Looks real yummy! I love pasta. Damn game lah, no memory stick, can't save game. Everytime have to restart from scratch. And my Sasuke got so powerful already! Sob! Yesterday, after i got back from the photo course, my sis and i tried to unlock all the levels and characters. Wah, ambitious man. Played from 10.30pm to 2.30am. Only got until the Legendary Sannins level only. Fingers abit swollen from frantic button pushing.

Starting from scratch again today.

Confusing Signals

The enrichment day was so-so. The motivational talk was GOOD! Had a good laugh in a while. Plus.......hahaha. =p

The african drumming...wah, no comments. Boring. Plus i took the same course as last yr. Why didn't i just go some other course? Like travel log or something else? WHY?? Oh, but there was a cool moment where someone sabo-ed lina and iz to go on stage to do the drum beats.

Yesterday, the mc ppl went to Merlion Park and Singapore River for our final photo shooting. It was So fun! There were only 3 cameras, so we had to be divided into groups. Me, Maziah, E ling and Atiqah went together. Wah, got quite a few tourists there taking pictures too. When we took the pictures of the boats, the tourists inside all smiled and waved. So friendly sia! There was this man, while i was trying to take a picture of a tall building, he go and waved and posed and smiled at the camera. Wahlao...the rest was laughing. Maziah was saying he is 'gatal' or flirtatious. True man. When E ling take, he also posed. Wahsey. Think he model ah? Took these pics using my handphone...gonna sneak into the mc pc one day and upload the photos i want into my thumbdrive one day. Hehehe.

Forgot what's the name of that bridge...

Saw Sir Stamford Raffles with a bleeding right leg. Hahaha.

At first, we didn't know what building this is. Thought it was some Ministry of something, but it turns out to be the Parliament house. Heheheheheh.

Then we went to Fullerton hotel..by the time i cannot tahan, i needed to go to the loo. Then E ling said we go the toilet at the Fullerton. Crazy ah, i don't dare to pee in such a high class place. She said a person will open the doors of the toilet for u. EEW. No thanks. I want a normal toilet please.

I haven't seen our dear Merlion for a long time, so i was a bit excited to meet Merly. =D

The view at night was so nicE!

The 'Eye' of Singapore.

Mr Wong was so great! He bought us fries from BK for our break!Woohooh!

No sch today! Woooooh!! I love the new timetable!

Oh no...Hari raya coming soon.

22nd Oct seems so far away...i want it to come faster. I hate waiting and to be kept in this stupid unbearable suspense and FEAR. I wanna know my results! Please please let me promote. Or else, i think i'm not going home. PLease Please please please. I know i'm already gonna dissapoint many ppl with my promos result. Just don't let me go through the ultimate heartbreak: disappointing my parents by not promoting.

Prayers.

*Smile*

OK. I didn't think i would get so weak after just one game, but yeah. Got thrashed by Nobel in the first game. The second game was versus Polo. I was feeling so guilty of not being able to contribte much to the team today, so i braced myself and gave a 110% of what remains of my strength. The first half of the game was GOOD. I think i managed to intercept them ok and throw good passes. But then come the second half, the headache kicks back in and my head was throbbing like hell. My mind was like so noisy and everyhting got a bit dark, so i chilled at the back with Azu, away from the sun.

Then in the end i ended up playing only 2 games. haha. It's only a game, so all that's important is that we enjoy ourselves...don't let the disqualified thingy and all the losses blind us to the purpose of today, yea!

Oho! And i had a super day today! Hahahahahahahahaha. Haha.

I hope this is not what they call obsession...=(

I hope obsession is a whole other thing, and what i'm feeling right now is normal and healthy for a tenn my age. Yes. Yah. Uhuh.

I know someone had a great day too at the field, huh Hidaya? Eheheh. Can't wait for Enrichment day huh? Heheh. Lucky u. Not so lucky me.

Next week is Grad Assembly. I can't believe that time passes so damn fast. Actually, i do miss the times we had last yr. When we went different ways this yr, things weren't really the same between us all, huh? But i still treasure what's still there in our friendship, tho we can't be as close as last yr. Specially for my 2 closest pals that are graduating:

To Azie: Yo Superman! Haha! I'm so gonna miss u lots and lots. I remember the day when u first shared with me ur problem with this friend of urs. Rmb it was before pe? We were talking at the carpark facing the canal. I dunno why, but the incident stayed with me till now. Haha..u r still a great friend u noe? ;D U are not like most other girls, u were different in a good way, and i like u for that. Whee!!! I miss u! Miss the times we had together in Mc, and all the pw shooting we do together..hahaha =D. Forget me not!! Eh, and ur notes u can lend me right next yr? Heh heh.

To Mich: My bleach partner! Wahhaha...rmb last yr u intro me to bleach DURING promos? And i just started like, this yr. And i really enjoyed it. =D Omg, rmb pw?? Hahaha...all the ups and downs our group went thru...and we got a nice fat B! It's good enough i think =D. Pw is cursed, i tell u. It can be so fun, but to think of all the work u have to do...shivers. I rmb the time we went to do the shooting at josh's house...and at the playground behind my house. Hilarious! Josh making herbal tea and saying it's delicious...GAG. Gonna miss u lots and lots too my friend!!!!!!! It's so sad to think that we are not in the same sch next yr...which means definitely i would see u less. But we have msn! And sms! Yay!! =D

Special mention for Sarah: 4 o'clock SHAPE. Hahahahah=D

I would never forget that man...do ur best in a lvl darling!

Ultimate Frisbee

Argh! Y u can't fast HIDAYA!! Sobsob..

Had practise just now. OMG. I think i've been indoors too long (it's only been a few weeks, lol)..

The first 10 minutes of the game was TIRING! Run here, run there. The weather didn't help either. Plus all the laughing we did while playing...LETHAL. =P

Our grp didn't do very well today. Not like during pe. Unbeatable. WAHAHA.

Yu Xuan's grp was good.

We had a 30 minutes break and chit chat. So funny! HAhah..Iz and Cass was saying, ok, let's play now, then after that, obody moved and we started talking again. =D HAha.

We have to chiong tmr. Must drink gallons of water tmr...or else gonna DIE of dehydration. Found out that we are playing 4 games tmr, not counting the finals. WAH.

>.<

Gonna sleep super early today.

Can't wait for tmr. Hehe.

Just a random shot

Just a random shot. =D

Reminds me of something tho.

I'm playing the game that he calls time-consuming. Maplestory.

No choice. Bored at home. Can't really go out.

Bwahahahahaha.

I wanna play Spellforce! Stupid disc went missing. Grrrr...

Yay! 3 (or isit 4?) more days to Interhouse games! Yeeheehee!

Can't wait for the surprise! yay! =D

Had a cool dream last night.

There were me, iz, hid, qis, azu, pathma n also lina. HAHA.

We were in a bus.

Azu and hid were sitting together behind the exit door seat. Qis and iz were sitting together behind them. Pathma and lina were in front somewhere talking to the bus driver.

I was kneeling on my seat behind iz and qis. Then suddenly, iz turned around and said, "I'm very cold.." Then i let her hold my hand for warmth. Then qis said, " I'm cold too.." Then i let her my other hand and she grasped it with both her hands. Azu and hid were looking out the windows.

Then the dream ended and i woke up.

I realised i just used a ton of the word 'then'.

Snort.

I'm not very fond of geylang. And i dunno y we need to buy a new set of clothes every yr for hari raya. Waste $$. But i love the food. Teehee.