Jokes ^^

Fun things to do during lectures...

1. Leave permanent markers by the dry-erase board.

2. Ask whether the first chapter will be on the test. If the professor says no, rip the pages out of your textbook.

3. Hold up a piece of paper that says in large letters "CHECK YOUR FLY". (At Least for the Male profs.)

4. Address the professor as "your excellency".

5. When the professor turns on his laser pointer, scream "AAAGH! MY EYES!"

6. Relive your Junior High days by leaving chalk stuffed in the chalkboard erasers.

7. Sit in the front, sniff suspiciously, and ask the professor if he's been drinking.

8. Correct the professor at least ten times on the pronunciation of your name, even it's Smith. Claim that the i is silent.

9. Sit in the front row reading the professor's graduate thesis and snickering.

10. Feign an unintelligible accent and repeatedly ask, "Vet ozzle haffen dee henvay?" Become agitated when the professor can't understand you.

11. Wink at the professor every few minutes. (Hey you might even get a date if he/she is cute.)

12. Every few minutes, take a sheet of notebook paper, write "Signup Sheet #5" at the top, and start passing it around the room.

13. Start a "wave" in a large lecture hall.

Pick-up lines:

1. "If I could re-arrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together!"

2. Guy: Are you tired?
Chick: No, why?
Guy: 'Cause you were running in my mind all night!

3. Guy: You must be a parking ticket?!
Chick: Huh?
Guy: 'Cause you have "FINE" written all over you, baby!


The other night , a few friends of mine went out to this "Lady's Club." One of the women wanted to impress us. So, she pulled out a $10 bill.The male dancer came over to us, and my friend licked the $10 bill and put it on his butt. Not to be out done, one of the other women pulled out a $50 bill. She called the guy back over, licked the $50 bill, and put it on his other butt cheek.Now the attention was focused on me. What could I do to top that? I got out my wallet, thought for a minute, then the banker in me took over. I got my ATM card, swiped it down the male dancer's crack, grabbed the 60 bucks, and went home.


Nothing against blondes, there are lots of smart blondes out there, but this is just a funny joke XD:how do you know when a blonde is having a bad day?
--> when her tampon is behind her ear and she can't find her pencil o_O lol

What's the first question a blonde asks when she finds out that she's with child?
- *is it mine?*
What do u see wnen u look deep into a blonde's eyes?
-the back of her head


A man was in his car and this bonde in a red sports car hits him in the back. He gets pissed and stops the car. He gets out of his car and walks up to her car. He tells her to get out of the car and she does. He goes back to his car and gets out a baseball bat and starts breaking the windows of her car and creating dents. She had her back turned to him and began to giggle. He just got angrier when she did and now started to douse her car in gasoline that again he got from inside his car. Then he threw a match on it and it explodes. And she just giggles more. So he asks her: "Why the heck are you laughing?! WTF is so funny?!" she turns to face him as she was still giggling and says: "While you were... Uh... Busy... I snuck out of the car!"


Ok, and this one is funny: 50 Fun Things to do in an Elevator.
Since it is too long, i shall post bit by bit...

1. Make race car noises when anyone gets on or off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, 'Shut up, dammit, all of you just shut UP!'
4. Whistle the first seven notes of 'It's a Small World' incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout cookies.