[Oh my god]

Im doing this post on my hp for da first time! I wonder how much this cost but its fun! Hm, studying for bio n geog todae, so ciao! >..<

Fulfil That Prophecy

Yea...fulfil my prophecy. If I can't do it, means I can't. Everyone has their limits, even mankind and their technology that they are so damn proud of. More sophisticated aliens would be vomiting blood all the way to the toilet at the way we treat ourselves and our earth with OUR technology.
Anyways, back to the prophecy. Yea, I am fully aware that I suck in Math. And Chem. And perhaps Bio. My promotional exams are already showing its ugly pimpled puckered, pus-filled, rotten, decomposing, mutilated, evil, grinning face. I think I'm going to fail. Yeah, I know that our beloved Mr Yeo (is that his name? I forgot) gave us that thoughtful talk on Thursday. but I can't help it. I had already tried being proud and capable. But it would always seem as if Im' stuck up or blind; that I'm delusive. I'm not clever. I don't have gifted brains although I possess a proper functional brain. But I'm not gifted. I'm useless. I reminisce about the time when I was an ace student for my art subjects, like english and history. No use sighing and staying in the past. Now, there are no more fun compositions for english and we don't do fun literature anymore. Can I just read a book nowadays, dammit?
Why?Why did I hastily joined the science stream? i may be capable of entering the science stream, but can I ace it? Easier said than done. Unlike some of my calssmates, they are really clever and grasp concepts easily, whereas me? I'm slower. And my brain is more stubborn. And it doesn't like equations very much.
I go through every day like a zombie with breathing difficulties( do zombies even breathe in the first place?)
So, now, all I've gotta do is to do what I do best. Persevere. Eh, seriously,i can persevere. Appendicitis. That illness which causes extreme pain to the right abdominal area. I had that when I was in primary 4. all I did was to lay in bed and curl up, like a child down with fever. From stories that I heard, other people groan, complain and moan non-stop because of the pain.
And in Secondary 3. I persevered through all the pain some of my friends unintentionally (?) caused to me. I had my fair share of physical and mental pains that had shaped me into the unstable configuration I am now.
Some of my friends may kow me as the quiet and obedient kid in Sec 4. But now, I'm practically crazy. I don't know why or what I'm laughing at. I am not joking. It's time for me to go.

Me Myself and My worries

I am so......down. I am so feeling down nowadays. No mood to laugh. Even if I laugh, its only at the mere irrelevance of things.
I think Liyana noticed; she asked me why I'm so quiet..(?) *even though I think I'm always sort of like quiet*
Promos approaching soon and my hair is getting thinner. My resolve is slipping and sometimes I feel the great big black hole of despair that threatens to swallow me up, sort of like what the Kraken did to Jack Sparrow.
speaking of Jack, I wanted to show my sister Edward Scissorhands but I can't seem to find any opportunity to do so. And oh, speaking of my sister, her birthday is looming around the corner. Not that I dread ger brthday or what-since I used the word 'loomed'- but the truth is, I've only got about $20 with me now and I can't buy her a catridge that I had thought of giving her earlier this year.
See? I'm no good at keeping resolutions.
So...what should I get her? Yea yea, most of you would say to give her a gift from the heart, even though it costs $1. But in reality, little gifts like that-apart from cards-often get thrown away, ether accidentally or with discretion, as their appearance is uncannily like paper junk.
Pardon my callousness.
Sigh. Sometimes, I feel...nay, i am convinced that I'm a spoilt ungrateful brat. Why do I degrade myself like this? Here's why: Actually, I fancied myself receiving a brand new catridge for my GB adv SP, but my parents bought for me a pair of new sports shoes.
There. Now can you see why I call myself thus?
Ok, after typing those lines, I felt ashamed. Maybe those sports shoes aren't that bad a gift after all. Look at those poor kids in unfortunate countries. Ok, so they are great gifts. Thanks Mom, Thanks Dad.
Though in my herat, I secretly, or perhaps fervently HOPE that some presents are more fun. My family thinks that I'm too grown up for games(?). I still recall fondly when I was back in Primary 1, where my Uncle presented to me a huge set of racing cars with its tracks. It was SUPER fun! Unfortunately, a few years later, some of the parts went missing and it was donated to the Kampong.
Now, they give me 'needs' instead of 'wants'. Oh..k....so ,I'm ungrateful...fullstop.
I still love them, don't get me wrong here. But I would seriously appreciate it if they had given me a book instead of baju kurungs and chocolates. I don't really fancy Malay dresses and chocolates would further increase my mass. a book would do just fine.
I had been so deprived from the company of fictions that I bought a Penguin Classics of selected Ta;es from edgar Allen Poe. A few of his literature are so cheem that I don't bother to read. However, tales like 'The Black Cat', 'The Facts of Mr Valdemar' and his detective Dupin series are so captivating. I admit that I spent the weekend leisurely adoring his literature instaed f revising for my promos. (Again, displaying my procrastination habits.)
My wound is healing nicely now. The wound was conceived (by tripping over my own legs) on Thursday. On Saturday, I went to the mosque in the morning, and so my Mama placed a gauze over it after applying yellow liquid stuff. When I reached home and began undressing the dressing, the scab stuck to the gauze and the wounds (2 of them, one the size of a ten cent coin, the other slightly larger than a fifty cent coin) tore open and fresh red blood oozed out. Ouchies.
And on Monday morning, as I was preparing to sit down on a stool to pray, somehow, my bum missed the stool and I fell backwards and 2 slashes appeared on the bigger wound. Ouchies 2.
Now, today, however, I don't wlak wih a limp anymore, thank god. And I will continue praying to God until my wound fully heals....